The Old Devil

I worry. I worry about J**** and his strength.

I've seen him play pool all day long around folks drinking and he would drink Mountain Dew and be fine. I've seen him pass up an ice cold Bud Light when his friends offer him one. I worry when I see that the drunken neighbor called twice today and wonder, if J**** didn't have the ringers turned off so he could sleep, would he have been swayed to drink.

I worry about the marijuana and pills. I understand that he is in pain, when he went to the doctor recently she told him he needed surgery on his knee. He hurt his finger last night, the fingernail is black. He said, oh I need a pain pill.

He rides to/from work with an old friend. The old friend cheated on his drug test and smokes him a joint on the way to work. J****'s clothes smell like marijuana. I worry most about this drug. I know that he sees nothing morally wrong with it, he has been told his whole life, it is natural, God put it on the Earth for a purpose. Well, maybe it's purpose was to make rope, clothes, paper, etc... and not to be perverted by man's so-called wisdom and used to make you high.

I mentioned the smell, he denied it. He is at work - he's not too bright - there is a roach is in the ashtray outside. What am I to think? He is dry, but not clean. I am disappointed.

I will confront him. I have heard from other alcoholics/addicts, you can't give up one and not the other, it's all or nothing. One makes the cravings for the other worst. Kind of like my friend at work saying that if she drinks a beer, she has to smoke a cigarette. We quit smoking together, the majority of times she lapsed was when she had a beer.

I worry.

Getting my Act Together

I've done the budget, through the end of the year. Good Lord willing J**** keeps this job and does right. We will snowball 6 of our monthly bills by the end of the year. By the end of this month we will be out of arrears, have our $1,000 emergency fund, and just because I can, I may buy some used furniture with my tax refund - because my couch is killing my back - nothing new with three small kids.
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I jotted down topics for this post at work today. It was going to focus on how proud I am of his efforts and his will power. I understand it is hard, but it doesn't make it any less disappointing. I will strongly suggest he attend AA or some type of counseling.

Oh well... three C's .
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UPDATE --

I confronted him --- "I've done been too long to fuck it up now!!!" He said it was so and so's roach from before -- It did look like it was an old yucky one.

Shame on me for jumping to conclusions - but he'd better watch out -- I have the reserve CVS drug test. Bwah hah hah hah hah hah hah.

Shame on me for trying to satisfy my drama addiction.