I Should Have My Ass Kicked

Got my W-4 in the mail today. So I started doing my taxes.
Let me preface or make excuses first. When I am depressed, I mean real depressed, I slack. I slack on taking my medication, I slack on cleaning the house, I slack on my appearance, I gain weight, I eat to make myself happy and to feel loved, I slack on balancing my checkbook, and I slack on keeping records. Slackard I am.

I blame myself, this is major folks -- cause I really want to blame J**** and his alcoholism for our financial mess, and my disorganized state. I won't say it played a part, but...

But what you say? I am much more capable than that. As I have said before, I am one hell of a woman, but I haven't been this past year. Doing the taxes - last year and the year before all I had to do was pull up the "handy-dandy notebook" and there were my running totals for all of my itemized deductions, health, contributions, blah, blah, blah. Well now I have to call around and try to recreate this crap - because I didn't keep my checkbook balanced and I didn't keep my running totals.

So - I should have my ass kicked as my Daddy would say. I haven't been all that and a bag of chips -- as my boss used to say about me.

Other reasons I should have my ass kicked...

1. Not taking my Prozac -- without it I am impatient. This is horrible to say but for this I need someone to make me take it. When I had the flu - J**** would fill a glass of water, unwrap the Tamiflu tablet and say here take this. I guess he's going to have to do the same thing with my Prozac. I'm ashamed to say -- I can't make myself take it everyday. Even though I know that I need it. I'm ashamed that I can't shake that need for it. Guess it's a depression thing.
2. My bills are in arrears and this past year J****'s Kia Sportage was repossessed. I can't blame it on him not working. I budgeted for years and had less money coming in than we did this past year. Our expense to income ratio was better this year. We shouldn't be in arrears, we shouldn't have had a repossession. We should be doing fine. I just couldn't do it. I can't face those bills. I lived beyond my means. I was a slackard and spent too much money on fast food instead of preparing home cooked meals. I should have done better.
3. Even though I have quit smoking I weigh way to much. I don't feel good. My ankles hurt, my knees hurt, and it hurts to swallow when I eat. My extremities tingle, I am exhausted. I need to take care of myself.
4. I had a wonderful psychologist that I was seeing. She saw me for what I am, and I didn't like hearing those things about me. I quit going to see her. I still need her, but I quit.
5. I started the divorce procedures in April. Borrowed a lot of money from my mom/dad. The divorce is still pending. J**** has for now done everything that I have asked him to do. He is clean and sober and he is working. It has been 41 days. Should I have my ass kicked for staying?

I need help. I just don't know what kind of help. I wouldn't have thought it but I am completely burnt out on taking care of everyone and everything. I need someone to kick in and make me. I will be kicking and screaming. Yes, I need to have my ass kicked.
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This is my 100th post. So here's 100 roses to share with ya'll.

We had a snow day today and there wasn't even an inch of snow - hehehe that's Kentucky for ya. Stayed home with the kids, and had the neighbor child too. Worked and entertained them. We crafted and we danced, while trying to stay really quiet so J**** could sleep cause third shift is hard adjusting.