Saturday, February 11, 2017

Up, Up and Away --

I have given up.  I've let things get to the point that I would never have done in the past.  I decided earlier this week to start working on these things.

  • I'm struggling financially because I am not being a good steward of the monetary gifts the Lord has given to me.
  • I have given up on my faith and stopped worshiping with my brothers and sisters.
  • I have let my children do what they want and run the household.
  • I have not "stuck to my guns" and demanded that others respect my household and my morals.
  • I have withdrawn from the world (because of depression.)
  • I suffer panic attacks.
  • I ignore responsibilities.
  • I don't cook anymore.
  • My house is a mess.
  • I've escaped into my own little corner of the world and allowed life to pass by without me.
But I do care.  I really do.

Now the authorities are involved in our lives.  We are being monitored by social services.  My children are all in trouble with truancy -- thus we are also being monitored by the courts.

Things can only get better-- right?

I need to set down and set goals.  I need to stick to my goals and I need to face the world again and stop running from it.

I have been trying this week to reassert my authority in the household.  It has not gone well.  Arguments, tears, emotions running deep has been the status quo around here.  Like me, some folks don't like to be told that they are wrong or to be told No.  It has caused a lot of stress.

So - what will we do first?  Clean.  Clean the house, clean our hearts, clean our spirits.  Get back to living.  More or less -- clean up my act.

I love my children and I am so sorry that it has gotten to this point.  I want to just lie down and sleep for a week.  But, I must live again.

The social worker asked me, who will you call when I leave today to talk about your problems.  Me, there is no one to call.

I am alone in all ways worldly.  I must get back on the spiritual tract and remember "The Lord will find a Way for me."