J**** --
Everytime I try to talk to you, you will not listen, you huff and puff, say whatever, etc.
But, you will read my blog. You say that I make you out to be a horrible person and that everyone hates you. You read the comments and say -- "These people don't know me." Well, they are on the outside looking in, and they are more objective than you or I -- who live inside the situation can be. You are not a horrible person, but you are not being a good man.
Our lives is like watching one of those bad Oxygen Channel movies.
So - I'm going to talk to you here -- because this is the only way that you will listen.
I am unhappy. The children are tense. Everything is going to hell in a handcart and fast. I started the divorce proceedings way back in the Spring and never had the guts to finish it, always hoped this would make you see the light, make you step up and be a man, get a good job, sacrifice all drugs and alcohol for me and your babies. But NO. It is still ALL about you.
(My SIS has a post on her blog about sociopaths -- you reckon that she is wanting me to read that. Sorry, Sis, but J**** and I are both sociopaths according to the test, I'm just worst -- a codependent sociopath. Real Scary Huh.)
But either way, it is not about you or me it is about F****, G*****, and D*****. So whether you go to jail or not is up to you, not me or anyone else. I as always will make certain our babies have a nice Christmas. I will NOT pay your fine.
I also will no longer waste the money that my Mama and Daddy gave me for the attorney. It is time that we put a stop to this misery. You are miserable, I am miserable. I can no longer take care of four people, you should be helping me take care of them, and we should be taking care of each other.
I know you have no where to go, but I also know that you are resourceful and will find someplace.
It is time to for you to go. I want you to go, I want a divorce.
Honestly, I do this will all sorts of love in my heart.
R****
9 comments:
I know it's hard, but you stay strong.
*Hugs*
I wish you the best of luck going through this hard time. Sending you a PM over Ramsey's site with my email, would like to keep in touch with you even though my subscription is running out today, and I can't reactivate until next month.
Many prayers
He will see you are "serious" and start acting right until he sees he has gained back some trust. He will be charming, the kids will be happy... Then he will slip in some manner that won't be his fault, slip again and have an excuse, until slipping is your way of life and he is drunk and abusing you again. At which time this cycle will start over...
This is what you have forward to for the rest of your life. Good luck with that.
Prayers are with you ... I know how hard this is.
You know, of course, that I was totally in tears by the time I finished reading this. I am so proud of you for being so brave, facing the future fearlessly, and doing the right thing for yourself, your beautiful children, and for your husband. He WILL be ok. (You already know that you and your kids will be fine, so I wanted to mention that he will be, too.) Sometimes the reality of going it alone, doing jail time, or facing a divorce is what it takes for an addict to finally turn their life around. Sometimes it is not, and they continue to make poor life choices. Either way, with your firm conviction to end it here and now, you and the kids will be in a safe place while his life plays out whatever scenario he chooses for himself. Bless you, this will be a tough but inspiring Christmas season for you. And just as mine have done since becoming young adults, your cherished babies will thank you someday for giving them the gift of a normal life.
Popaw told me one time marriage is not 50/50 - it's 100/100. You've been doing the 100 all along, all by yourself.
Popaw also said "if it don't kill ya, it'll only make ya stronger." Right now you are the strongest woman I know.
Well, except for me that is. Really, sissy, you know where I am if you need me.
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxxo
Congratulations on a good step forward. One day at a time, Nay, to break your addiction. Still thinking of you, and sending you lots of prayers.
Good Job. Stick it out. File the papers...ALL the papers. Be done with him...you deserve better.
He may well get his life squared away but that is up to him...always has been.
He still has that God Shaped Hole in him. Until he fills it with God he's gonna have trouble. You've went above and beyond the call in giving him umpteen chances. I'm glad you are now looking out for your kids and your kids alone.
Stay strong. You are doing what you know is right and the right decisions are never the easy decisions. Lots of love to you.
God Bless.
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