End of Year - Hope 2007 is better for all

Good Things --

• I have three healthy, smart, beautiful babies.
• I quit smoking.
• I've made lots of friends in blogland.
• I'm sticking to my guns.
• I've started following the Dave Ramsey plan.
• My sister is my bestest friend.

Bad Things --

• I've gained at least 13 pounds since I stopped smoking.
• I'm in financial hell.
• I'm still estranged & getting stranger.
• My van is out of commission.
  

Things --

• I've got a good job, with great bosses and coworkers, who tolerate me more than they should.
• I've got a meddlesome mom and dad who love us very much.
• I've got a meddlesome mother-in-law who loves her son very much.
• Life is not all bad.

In retrospect.

Much of this year has been wasted by trying to fix an alcoholic. I've had to learn to live by the "three c's of al-anon you didn't cause it, you couldn't cure it, and you couldn't control it and the three a's awareness, acceptance, then action." For an adult child of an alcoholic who has felt that it was her job to take care of everyone and everything, these tenets are near impossible to put into effect in your life. I've wasted a lot of energy on him and I WILL NOT waste the New Year on these efforts. 2007 is for me and my three babies. I can look back and see things that I should have done with and for our children that have gone by the wayside because of the drama surrounding him.

The drama surrounding him -- wow, what a statement.

My niece brought him back home on December 13 (he had drank that morning) so I guess his sobriety date would be the 14th making today exactly 2 weeks clean AND sober. Still, the drama in our life surrounds him. I don't want him around, I don't want to huggy, kissy, lovey, dovey, I am divorcing him. He just can't get it through his mind. He says, I am going to FIGHT for this family. Well, show me then. But, I'm not fighting, I'm just doing what is best for me and the boy, and the girls. Two weeks, good for you -- but we've been there done that too many times over this past year. 2007 WILL be different. But, as I started this thought -- the drama surrounding him. It is still all about him. Me, me, me. "You don't hug me. You don't kiss me. Pay attention to me. Me. ME!!!" I've got three young children -- back off!!! But, "I don't have anywhere to go. What will I do? Who will take care of me? What will happen to me?" Phew. He wears me out.

His mother says I'm mean to him. I explained to her that sometimes you have to be mean, to be a bitch, to practice tough love, you have to act hard to protect your own heart and his. She understood, at least she said she did.

Yes, the last two weeks have been wonderful. I do see a difference in his attitude from the other times. This may do it for him. But, again, I can't gamble my children with a maybe. My coworker S**** doesn't understand how I can live with him. Believe me it is hard. Because he is Mr. Perfect, and Mr. Wonderful, the World's Greatest Dad -- it is hard. When he is on the sobriety wagon he is my dream man. But, my heart can't be broken again.

Damnit now I'm going to cry. I made it there -- I am bitter and hard hearted like my mother. Poop. I didn't want that to happen. Oh well, what is done is done.

2007 is going to be an uphill battle, financially, mentally, domestically. But we'll be alright. Mama is a tough ol' bird. But sometimes, Mama just wants to give up, run away, find someone to take care of her and take a nap.

That is going to be my resolution for 2007 -- More naps. Yep, more naps. Naps with my babies. Sounds like a start.

Let Go of the Past to Move into the Future

Pretty good article...