Rollercoaster -- UP

I've described living with an alcoholic as a rollercoaster ride. Times of abstinence -- good. Times of binging -- bad. Up / Down / Up / Down. Well we are UP right now. Why? Only J**** knows.

• Going to Jail next weekend could be a reason.
• Maybe he decided he hit his rock bottom and is going to stay sober.
• Maybe it's just a time of abstinence and then he'll fall and we will be Rollercoaster - DOWN.
• Maybe it's because he can't drive and go get alcohol.

But BHP would tell me -- why are you worried about it? That's a lot of Maybes. I can't control his drinking. But always there is this wondering in the back of my mind: Are we done now? Has he started back again? How long will this last? When will he start again?

J**** without alcohol is about as miserable as J**** with alcohol just a different set of miseries.

• Withdrawal from family by constantly staying in bed in a depressed state.
• Irritable and short tempered with me and the children.
• He is down on everyone and thinks everyone is against him.
• Thinks he should be excused for his reactions to those around him because he's "in withdrawal and really is fighting cravings."
• Doesn't play with his children or "pull his weight."
• I become a BITCH.
  

I know I sound like I can't be satisfied, but I'd just like to know if stability is going to be possible with J**** around or is life with him going to stay all UPs and DOWNs like a rollercoaster. (Get's me to thinking -- this is a pretty sad UP.)

Updates:

• J**** is also abstaining from all drugs. In order to serve his jail term out on weekends, he has to take a urine drug test. He is abstaining from marijuana in order to do this.
• F**** spent the night with Aunt D***** and discussed divorce. F**** said it would be best and she's six.
  
• He went to church with me again this morning -- it was like pulling teeth and then we took him out for Father's Day lunch.
• F**** and G***** had their dance recital on Friday night -- see my Flick'r pics of them in costume. As a good friend said to me "Disgustingly Cute." They were the brightest shining stars on the stage that night, at least in my eyes they were.
  
• We went to the fair Saturday night there's new pics of that also.

I want out -- but how do I tell him being the enabler that I am? He will literally lose everything: No home, no family, no way to get around. How can I do that to him? I've been taught to forgive as the Bible says, "Seventy times seven." I know what he has done to me, but how... How can I abandon someone that way?

I know -- Do it for the kids, it's not about me, it's not about him, it's about them. I think I need to chat with my Al-Anon friends for a while because it's damn hard.