Patience -vs- Longsuffering

Alrighty – I’m in a mood today. So – I’ve read the books, sat in on some al-anon, spoke with my counselor, my family wants me to end the marriage, the Bible preaches against drunkenness, and yet feigns divorce… It is all swirling and twirling in my head.

• One says he’s sick don’t treat it like it’s a sin and that he has to get well. If he had cancer would you be angry with him?
• One says it is a sin to be a drunkard.
• One says take care of the children, another support him and the family as a whole.
• The church says DIVORCE is a SIN. Others say honor your children.
• Some say to persevere to be longsuffering (the AA literature seems to lean this way) and good things will come when he decides to recover.
• BHP says to unplug and it will come to me -- thank you BHP for recognizing I have a mind and can make a decision.

So here I go through my feelings about patience –vs- longsuffering. It is said that they are synonymous, but I think there are subtle differences.

I am probably the most patient person you will meet. I understand that the waitress may take a little longer because she’s busy with another table. I don’t mind voice automated answering systems. I can handle three kids all yelling, mommy, mommy, mommy at the same time. I don’t get road rage. I can deal with a drunk. I like that about my personality – I want to be patient.

However, I do not want to be longsuffering. What a horrible word!! In The Grapes of Wrath Ma Job is longsuffering. Job in the Bible was longsuffering: Jas 5:10 Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11 As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

To suffer due to your patience is that right? To cause others to suffer because of your patience is that right? I think not. I have been patient with J**** and I will remain to be patient in my dealings with him. But, I refuse to be longsuffering. If I choose to be longsuffering I think it will hurt everyone involved, him included. By being longsuffering and taking on the air of martyrdom I do nothing but enable him to keep living the lifestyle that he is living. By being longsuffering, I bring my children “along for the ride.” By being longsuffering, I become a miserable old lady.
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Enough of my soapbox:

Update for today:

• I am in blogging withdrawal here at work – so I’m typing this in Word, emailing it home, and posting it ASAP.
• J**** did not get home until 8:30 last night. He went to a co-workers and I ended up picking him up (I know enabler). He had been drinking. I fell asleep with F**** and he woke me up around 11:00 ranting and raving that the house smelled like another man’s cologne and that I was having an affair. I told him to shut up that the last thing I need right now is another man and what you smell is a new Air Wick Plug In. (Pretty hilarious when you look back at it.) BHP says that this sort of outburst comes from the alcoholic’s inability to accept responsibility. Since I am unhappy with him and want a divorce he reasons that it is not his fault, so I must have someone else waiting in the wings.
• J**** called me at lunch today to “hear your beautiful voice” (gag).
• He reports to jail at 7:00 pm tomorrow night. It’s a shame but I’m looking forward to it. This is why he is charming me today – wants to “get some” before he goes to jail. (wretching profusely now).

Saturday the kids, my sister and I are attending a birthday party at a bowling alley for a little girl in F****’s class. We can’t wait. This brings about a new topic. I am going to start another blog – yes, I am addicted. But this is going to be a happy blog, and in it I will try to showcase the innocence and wonder of my three children.

I will call it IN AWWWW OF THREE. I’ll let everyone know when it is ready.

On my sister’s blog – this is mine and her horoscope – it is timely today: You may feel rushed into something that you are not comfortable with, dear Taurus. Perhaps you just want to relax and stay at home. Or you may yearn to lie on a warm beach, soaking up the sun's rays. Instead, you may find yourself coerced into a plan of action that you simply do not want to be a part of. There is a boisterous, contagious energy that accompanies this plan, making it difficult for you to say no. Remember that the decision is yours.

Yep folks – the decision is mine.