Watch Out for #1

My mother is married to an alcoholic - all the time I was growing up and had an issue that pertained to me versus someone else -- Mama would say "just WATCH OUT FOR NUMBER ONE." I've been online chatting with my MIP buddies tonight and have made a new blog buddy Hoping4More and we are all very selfless individuals. We worry about what is best for our spouses, our children, our parents, but never about ourselves.

• When was the last time I went shopping for myself? Couldn't tell you.
• When was the last time I took off work for a day for me? Couldn't tell you.
• How many times have I traded my dinner plate with the kids or my husband, because they didn't like what they ordered? More than I can count.
• When was the last time I went out with my friends? Couldn't tell you.
• How many times in 6 1/2 years have my husband and I been alone without kids? I CAN count them on one hand.
• Need I go on?

Mama drilled it in my head "WATCH OUT FOR NUMBER ONE." Why didn't I listen? Hmmm. Could it be that other tidbit of wisdom that she gave my husband when our firstborn came along? J**** just remember they learn more from example than from what you tell them. Others say, "Monkey see, monkey do." "Do as I say, not as I do." Mama DIDN'T watch out for number one. She tried to warn me.

My sister went on Hoping4More's wonderful blog "Virtual Therapy" and made this comment:

"I should have left their daddy sooner. Children sometimes grow up and become what they see (my son has). I failed my children. I should not have been so concerned about what I should or should not do. I should have done what was best for them - NOT FOR ME. That was the only option that I had - no other."

Well Sis, I agree and disagree. You DID NOT fail your children you were and are a damn good mama. It was not what was best for you either, you didn't put number one first you were frightened and brainwashed to believe that he was number one. Mama didn't , you didn't, and I haven't. Well, she still doesn't, you still don't and me either. But, we need to. How much you wanna bet that the brother doesn't either?

When I was younger and thought I knew everything, I'd hear mama say "WATCH OUT FOR NUMBER ONE" and would think "Man she's selfish." Because, in church we are taught to love and to be selfless. To experience true joy you must put yourself third? J - Jesus, O - Others, Y - Yourself.

Mt 5:38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. 41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. 42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
Mt 5:43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? 48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

She knew ya'll. She knew. WATCH OUT FOR NUMBER ONE. Because, Hoping4More -- HE IS. Sister -- HE WAS. Me -- HE ALWAYS HAS.

And as for mama -- she still doesn't take her own advice.