The Inlaws

Second Part in my expounding on Kicking Myself Hard:

Here's what I said...
My-inlaws -- All inlaws are kooky and can drive you nuts. But, they didn't raise me. They raised a bunch of different children with different household standards. My inlaws tell me they love me, they love their grandchildren, they agree with me that their son needs help, and they listen to me. Never have they blamed their son's addictions on me, in fact they say I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. What do I have to complain about?

His Dad --
My father-in-law is a very nice man. He's very tall and very thin and not in good health. He's 52 years old. He's an alcoholic and has epileptic seizures due to the alcoholism. D**** is a loving man. He loves his children but is in complete denial of the sadness he caused his children when they were growing up. Right now he calls me his guardian angel because I am the only one that he can depend upon when he needs help. A month ago his son was following in his footsteps, I hope that J**** has decided to take a different path.

Dad/Papaw is trying very hard to be there for the children and I, as limited as his ability to help may be. He's a very affectionate man and when he has been drinking he is ready to have those heart to heart talks. He lives alone in a low-rent apartment in the neighboring town. Currently he is unemployed. His family other than us are all out of state, I believe his is a very lonely life. I also believe that a lot of J****'s unresolved issues stem from his feelings toward his dad.

If he is in ill-health with only a few months to live, as I discussed in a previous post -- then, I can only imagine that J**** and I will be the caregivers.

His Stepdad --
Paw is an ex-felon who served his time for attempted murder. He is now your typical hard-working good-ole-boy. Those who don't take the time to know him would describe him as redneck country folk. I honestly believe he has been the most positive parental figure in J****'s life. He has taught good life lessons and always given good advice. Even though they are not his genetic children/grandchildren, he loves them dearly. He tries to keep his nose out of our business, but is there when needed. Paw can be a bit hot-tempered and there is always that unspoken need in the family to not offend Paw. But I have noticed that when he is angry, it is usually after a quiet man has taken a lot and showed a lot of patience with the ones he loves.

For years J**** has said that he considers Paw more of a father than his own dad.

His Mom --
What can we say about Granny? Where does one begin? 5'1" - 120 pounds of spitfire. She speaks her word, believes she is 1/4 cherokee, is a hippy wannabe, and is hot tempered, collects all kinds of old wierd stuff, is a packrat. She is also your textbook codependent/enabler. She is a pothead - kind of a burnout that constantly repeats herself. I believe that she does not know how to be happy because she is always looking for "drama" and turmoil in her life. Instead of focusing on the happy things in her life, it is all about the misery.

I do respect the fact that she is willing to back up her son and take his side with an unconditional motherly love. She also has figured out that she cannot always believe her son and does understand that I am always truthful and upfront with her. I believe she respects that about me. I also believe that she is jealous of my hold on her son, because he is a true "mama's boy" and that divorce between the two of us strangely appeals to her.
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I could blame my husbands addictive state on these people, but as I have noted before, once you are an adult, you are accountable for your own actions. I know they didn't help by being alcoholic and pothead examples. I know that J**** is also an adult child of an alcholic which is hard in itself to handle, since I myself am one.

I am a firm believer that a child should be raised to honor God and they did not raise my husband in a home where God was emphasized. God or as AA would say a HP is a necessary part of coping with this world. I believe my husband would be much better if he found God and filled that emptiness in his soul. He could deal with the addictions and the childhood issues much better with God on his side. Dad/Papaw would be a lot less lonely, Paw would have someone to lean on, and Granny would be a lot less miserable too, if they found God.