Ok -- I Admit It -- I'm Sick

Okay -- so I've placed all the blame on my alcoholic. This is hard to say, I'll admit it. I am sick too. I am addicted to my alcoholic, to turmoil and drama in my life, to taking care of anyone and everyone that I come in contact with. I need to be needed, who better than an alcoholic. I've got to fix me, I can't fix him, and if I don't fix me -- I can't keep my children from needing to be fixed.

I can't fight the alcohol. I must decide to live with it or without it. I choose to live without it.

J**** has said that he will get a sponsor and go to AA meetings. I so very much want us to live together without alcohol. He has been sober for 8 days now and yes he is in jail this weekend, three more to go. But, damn it -- if you know him, you know why I love him when he's sober!! Please, God my Higher Power, help him to choose to live without it.

Here's the Twelve Steps of AA and Al-Anon

Twelve Steps

Study of these Steps is essential to progress in the Al-Anon program. The principles they embody are universal, aplicable to everyone, whatever his personal creed. In Al-Anon, we strive for an ever deeper understanding of these Steps, and pray for the wisdom to apply them to our lives.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditaion to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awkening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I guess if I have to analyze it -- I'm on step 4. Stay tuned for a "fearless moral inventory."