Am I Asking Too Much?

My mother says, "He's no help to you." BHP says, "He's not pulling his weight." His mother asks "What is J**** doing?" Me "Laying down." Her "hmmm." Everyone knows and realizes that he doesn't do much of anything around here. Yeah, he works. Yeah, he's been sober for 11 or 12 days, but am I asking too much? Help me with stuff.

I guess what got me really boiling about this is a phone call from my mom yesterday. "Well, if it wasn't so HOT today, your daddy would have come up there and MADE J****..." There is a pickup truck that we need to junk, sitting beside our house. Mama/Daddy are convinced that the city is going to fine us because it is sitting there. J**** just piles junk up in the back of it. It looks pretty bad. I have asked him to move it too. In front of it -- there is an '88 mustang GT that has been sitting since we moved in. It's for sale - cheap - if anyone wants it. Then she says, "Well, honey, it is looking really trashy around there." I tried to explain to her, I know it and if we get fined -- it is his fault. I can't do it all and maybe he will see that he needs to be more responsible. I was brought up that the outside of the home reflects on the type of man. Well, I'm NOT covering for him.

No, it's not a withdrawal thing, or a guilt thing, or a depression thing. It is a him thing. He has always acted like his home is his castle and he shouldn't have to do menial household or just any chores. I know his mama didn't teach him that. However, until I told him that was just plain wrong - his stepfather and his mama did pay him to do stuff for them. Now a little credit -- if I ask him to do something simple like "while you're up, will you get me...?" Or, "Honey, grab me a diaper please -- because I've got a poopy butt to change." he will do it -- grumble a little (which I hate) but he will do it.

So here's fuel to what has got this bugging me today.

• He went to Jail Friday night, now honestly what do you do in jail? You eat, sleep, watch TV, shoot the bull. Don't kid yourself the detention center here is considered the "Mayberry" of jails in this area. They let them order delivery Pizza - how tough can it be? One of the inmates gave him a haircut and drew a portrait of our children for him.
• Came home Monday - boss said no work today since Holiday tomorrow. He claims he has a migraine headache and stays in the bed all day. Mows about three strips in front yard, but doesn't feel up to it. So I have a half mowed front lawn.
• Tuesday - 4th of July - admittedly - it's a holiday -- we had a family day - so nothing productive happened other than being with the kids. A good thing.
• Today - I'm playing hooky from work. He got rained out at work. He's in bed asleep, I've taken care of kids, got D***** down for a nap, fixed big breakfast (J**** did eat), and am on my second load of laundry and am trying to clean and do all them little things kids can't do for themselves.

I used to do even more and would mow lawn and try to keep all of that up. But, it was more than I could handle. BHP said that by my doing it all I was enabling him to act the way he does. So I stopped doing as much. But today it is really getting on my nerves. I work full-time at my job, and don't stop until I fall into bed each night. And, right now it's not because he's drunk. Am I asking too much?

How this makes me feel. This makes me feel second rate. Like the children, me, our home, our needs are unimportant to him. That his comfort and his wallowing are the most important things that there are too him. When he gets home on Mondays, he looks smugly at me -- like "Is that all you got done?" With both adults working - both should work at home. Am I asking too much?