He got mad at work, his feelings were hurt, he was frustrated. He came home mowed the yard, got hot and had nothing but water and milk in the house to drink.
Along comes ol' buddy B.S. (love the initials?) B.S. just happened to be in town and had a 12 pack of ice cold Bud Light. Picture Homer Simpson now, mmmmmmmmmmmm beer. J**** drank four beers.
He ran out of cigarettes, walked to Drunken Neighbor's house and bummed a pack off of him. No drinking with Drunken Neighbor.
My reaction to him -- I didn't bitch, I didn't yell. I said -- okay, you made a mistake, now learn from it. Tomorrow is a new day and the ONLY day one you will have. Move on.
Him today:
- very disappointed in himself and he swears that this is the first time;
- very sorry for the hurt he caused me, his Mama, and our kids for our disappointment;
- realizes he screwed up because he was unable to get sober enough to go to work -- his first day missed since he started the job;
- his head hurts really bad;
- his tummy hurts;
- his body hurts;
- and he had beer dick last night -- sometimes you have to make them perform so you can remind them that with beer dick, you can't perform.
Frustration, not having the tools to deal with it, being hot and thinking "damn" that cold beer looks and would taste good. B.S. friend even told him -- man you've done good so far you're a dumbass if you drink this. Well, B.S. if you are that much of a friend, maybe you should have left your beer in the car. Momentary lapse in judgment.
Daughter #1 response
- We come home and F**** is the first one in the house. Big brown eyes come running back to the front door. Quietly and grabs my hand and leads me to kitchen. On the counter is the empty 12 pack box. "Beer" She hugs me around the waist. "I know honey."
- She goes into survival mode -- shhhhh Sissy, shhhh Bubby be quiet, don't wake Daddy he's been drinking.
- Getting ready for bed she said, "Mommy, you said next time you would divorce Daddy." I explained to her that Daddy has done good for 6 months. He made a mistake, if he keeps making the mistake and doesn't get back on track -- then he can't stay. But we all make mistakes, we all forget. Even Mommy makes mistakes and started smoking again. But yes, if Daddy keeps drinking and doesn't learn from today's mistake, he will have to leave.
- At bedtime, we are laying there "I can't sleep Mommy, I am scared." "Don't be scared, I am here." "But Mommy, I AM scared." "I know baby, I am scared too. All we can do is pray and ask God to help Daddy be strong and help us be okay." We talked, she wasn't "scared" of Daddy, she was scared that the drinking had come back to stay.
Daughter #2 "Super Sleuth"
Flippant child, no cares in the world. Holds it in like the typical middle child. But, runs outside and immediately starts searching. Runs into house with bottle in hand, "Mommy, found the beer bottles. All of them are empty." She then proceeds to search all of his known hiding spots and declares that all is well -- reporting that there appears to be no more beer on the premises. She tickles me.
The SON
He sees the beer bottle and says in his precious lilting voice, "Daddy?"
For those of you who have or have had an alcohol problem. These children are ages 7, 5, and 2. Don't ever think that they are too young to be effected. The seven year old is too adult and attune to alcoholism and shouldn't be. The five year old is too obsessed with taking it in. The two year old knows what it is -- even after 6 months. Stop and think, it's not all you.
His Mama
She's disappointed, she understands, she's amazed he made it this long, her feelings are hurt, she admits that she feels to blame. This is a huge confession on her part. She says she feels guilty for the way he grew up and feels that she should have kept him safer from the influence. She said she prays that I never have to see one of my children have a problem with addictions. Folks this is major.
My Sister
She hadn't read my blog yet, I told her and she said "Dammit." We are too much alike. She was disappointed and had been so proud of him. She is still proud of him, if he realizes and moves on.
We all love you J****, we are all there for you, never think you have to go through daily frustrations alone -- we are here. Don't lean on the bottle, lean on us. You've proved that you can do it -- just get up, brush it off, and keep on tugging.
No comments:
Post a Comment