We were taught that friends come and go, I've found out husbands come and go, but your Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Children (Relatives all) are there for the long haul.
From the outside looking in I see an individual who is striving to be independent and strong, but it is hard. I see an amazing woman taking on the burdens of father, mother, grandmother, friend, and supporter. Yet, I know she must feel alone. Who can she turn to? Her family, but they are so meddlesome. Mama asks so many questions - I've told her to stop asking so many questions, we will tell her if she just listens. Daddy is condescending and he tends to make you feel small with his snide remarks. Who can she confide in? I tend to give advice that I know she nor I am capable of manifesting. How can you be so harsh to those you love? Tough love as they call it may be tough on those on the receiving end, but the one dishing it out, because of love, feels the deepest of pain in doing so.
We are a nonconfrontational bunch. We hold it in until we just want to burst. We rehearse it over and over in our heads, our stomach ties up into knots. We want to be everything to everybody and put ourselves last. To put ourselves first is hard. When we are finally at our wits end, we have our conversation, unsteady at first until we make our point. This is why we write letters to those we love and we blog, because we can eloquently say what is in our hearts when we write. When our feelings are told we are often met with grief, with yelling, screaming, stomping, and other childlike behaviors. All we wanted is for someone to say, we will do better, we will try harder, we will think about you too, like you have thought about us. We will love you, respect you, and consider your point of view and feelings.
Every parent's hope in life is that they teach their children to stand on their own two feet, to prosper in this life, to make a good life for themselves, choose a partner that will reciprocate the love that we have taught them to give. But in the end when it doesn't happen that way, we feel that we have gone wrong at some point, even though our spouses also had a part in teaching our children by their unsuitable examples.
We hope that we have instilled in our children to look at life's pitfalls as opportunities and not to wallow in self-pity or to give up. Our mother used to say when people called us hard-headed or stubborn, that no, they are not! They are determined. Determination to overcome what life throws in our path has been our strength and will keep being our forte.
We have been instilled with a pride about us from our father. I CAN do it myself. I WILL do it my way. I KNOW what is best. I WILL not take your charity. We rarely ask for help, we take the burdens upon ourselves until we are sick and tired. We see this in our children. We take on the world.
So how can we continue on this path of self-destruction? This path of bearing the burdens of everyone we know. How? Why do we not break? My acquaintances say that you are the most patient woman I know, they comment that "Wow, you handle pressure well, I would have cried, I would not have been able to handle it." How did we get through it? Here's how.
If you would like to hear this song go click here.
Press Ctrl+F and type in Be with Me Lord.
Click the play icon then
Listen and feel comforted.
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