Saw someone selling this on Ebay yesterday and I thought... I have heard J**** say this. I know it is supposed to be a joke (on the shot glass), but to those who live with an addicted person the humor stings.
By quitting cigarette smoking I understand how hard it is to try to recover from an addiction. The desire for the next fix of nicotine is there, but to me it is not overwhelming. I believe I was able to kick the habit, because of my motive.
A pack of my cigarettes cost between $2.76 to $3.00 a pack. That is $21 a week, and up to $93 a month. It costs $88 per month for our girls to attend Dance class. We are broke, I thought, how can I afford for them to dance -- quit smoking - and you still have $5 to spare. My children ARE my motivation.
J**** has been abstaining from his alcohol addiction. BUT (don't you just love this qualifier).
But:
1. We are broke so no money to buy it
2. He can't drive to go and get anything
3. He is not working thus he is not leaving the house.
Whenever he goes outside to smoke a cigarette, I always say, "Smoke one for me." He retorted last night with, "You go take a drink for me." WOW -- It made me think that my withdrawals have made me understand a bit more how his withdrawals must feel. Irritable, antsy, always in the back of your mind....mmmmmmm nicotine. He hasn't had a drink since November 3, BUT -- there's that qualifier again.
But:
Last night my niece called crying and she was having a flare up with her sarcoidosis disease. She was pitiful saying that no one believed her -- she ended up driving herself to the hospital which is near our house. I told her to stop by and pick up J**** (he loves her, they were friends before J**** and I met). I couldn't go with her because D***** was sick and I was contemplating taking him to the ER myself. He is much better this morning.
I tell you this because as a family member of an addict -- Al-Anon tries to teach you to DETACH from the addicts problem because, "You can't cure it, you can't control it, and you didn't cause it." BUT -- he is at my niece's house -- the ER gave her a very strong painkiller and she could not drive home -- he drove her home. They live in a place that is full of temptation for J****. Her husband, her mother-in-law, her father, her brother are all addicted to something and I worry will he partake. My niece is addicted to Xanax -- I would rather J**** drink than take a Xanax they make him hateful. DETACHMENT is hard.
J**** reads this blog -- so if he makes it through today -- that is 20 days with no drunk alcohol episodes. I have been 14 days with no cigarettes. It is stupid for either of us to turn back now. When he quit drinking on April 22, 2002 for over two years I quit my occasional drinking of alcohol too -- I have not had a drink to this day, and I understand the desire for one. I have that gene too that would make me an alcoholic quick. As I type this, my mouth waters and thinks, Gin would be really good right now. Yes folks, the hard stuff for me, no sissy beer, wine or champagne. Give me Gin, Vodka, or Bourbon.
Our babies deserve the best -- the choices are:
1. a good job OR a good buzz
2. activities for the girls OR a cigarette for mom
3. fairweather friends OR men like those at church who are there as a brother
I really think that J**** understands how seriously I am sick of ALL addictions. Today will tell because he will be faced with temptation and not protected here at home. I pray that he stays on the path. The past week or so have been nice, he has helped me with the children, with budgeting, and with alternative ideas to make quick money, including selling his comic collection on Ebay. That is one sacrifice greatly appreciated, NOW keep sacrificing those addictions to the gods.
By the way -- You know how two people can be in tune with one another and you just know. I DON'T have that gut feeling that today will be a bad day, so I think all will be well for one more day.
GRATEFUL AL-ANON MEMBER LIVING LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME.
No comments:
Post a Comment