Well, I've quit smoking. I stopped Sunday November 12 around 10:00 am.
I've been meaner than hell. But I've not had a cigarette. Two coworkers and I set our stop date for the 12th because the Farmer's Almanac said that was a good day to quit. We didn't even know that this week was the Great American Smokeout Week. We just did it.
You know -- cigarette smoke smell stinks.
J**** is a smoker and well, he stinks. My van, it stinks. Other folks who smoke -- I can smell them and they stink. As one of my coworkers noted: She feels so guilty about how bad it stinks because her little boy had to get into that stinky car and whenever she would hold him next to her, you know he had to think, "Gee mom, you stink." Same thing goes for mine too, I guess.
It might just stick this time, because S**** and I are competitive and you'd have to threaten us with our lives to ake us lose to the other one.
Still working on the budgeting thing, trying to catch up so I can follow DR's baby steps.
I have two sick young'ns.
Took D***** the toddler to the doctor on Wednesday and they gave him a chest x-ray. He has bronchitis and is now on an antibiotic and albuterol sulfate. I think the albuterol gives him a buzz.
Took F**** the six year old to the doctor yesterday and she had to have a blood test (CBC) and a cat scan. They thought she had appendicitis with the possibility that it had ruptured. It ended up being pneumonia. It is awful to watch nurses and lab technicians poke and prod your baby with needles. I cried. She cried. She screamed, I cried. She begged them to stop. I cried. It was a horrible day for the child.
She was having excruciating stomach pain. We went straight to the doctor and bypassed the other patients. They sent her for bloodwork, then to the catscan. She had to drink that nasty stuff that coats your stomach, she cried. It was nasty. She had to get an IV. All this with a fever of 102.6. After all was said and done and she woke up on the examining table where she fell asleep waiting for the test results, she looked at all of us adults (after six hours of tests) and wisely says. "Well, that wasn't all that bad."
I love her. I'm glad it wasn't a ruptured appendix, she is on antibiotics now.
The doctors told us to run the vaporizor and ours has a light on it. So D***** thinks it is hot and will not go near it. He points and says "Hot" and walks a big circle around it. So cute.
Does J**** have a job?
I have no clue. The concrete contractor has not called him back since he hurt his knee. He's been helping a carpeting subcontractor. But that is only when the guy needs help and can't do the job by himself. So as far as monetary support. I count him out.
Hey, if I put a paypal button on this blog -- reckon anyone would donate to taking care of this family. The kids would mail you really cool thank you cards and stuff.
Oh well. We'll make it -- we always do.
Happy upcoming Thanksgiving. Guess my next entry will be the ever popular. What are you Thankful for?
2 comments:
Congratulations on quitting smoking. I hope it works out for you so you can have many more years of supporting an abusive, deadbeat drunk at the expense of your children and your sanity.
Was he at the hospital with you while your daughter had the CAT scan? With you at the pediatrician's office? Or was he at the bar?
He is not the problem. YOU are the problem. You are addicted to the drama. You need to recognize that you do not feel deserving of love unless you have "earned" it with blood, sweat, and tears. You are so proud of "never backing down" to him -- in every post you write about fighting with him physically, it is so obvious you are projecting your anger at your father on him. You need help.
You know that he is hopeless, you know you get off on hoping he will someday be the person you want him to be. You know that staying with him will screw your kids up like you are screwed up. Yet you can't make a move. Again, congratulations. You will need all your strength.
I realize that writing out your thoughts may be your sanity, but it's just not enough for you to feel sane. What your husband is doing is abuse, plain and simple and what you are doing by continuing to tolerate it in any form is negligence.
I don't mean to be harsh--I really don't. I know you are doing the best you can, but honestly, you and your children would be better off in a shelter than in the situation you're in now. At least there is counseling available there.
I can't figure out if you can't see the situation for what it really is or if you are just so deluded that you really think you are doing right by your kids. Believe me, they won't be young forever, and they are going to come asking questions when they have the right perspective--and it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to answer them with pride or with shame.
I am very proud of you for conquering the smoking thing--I have been there and I know it's hard. But I think you have bigger fish to fry, sweetie.
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