The Practice Marriage

I have a good friend that has been married three times. He says that everyone should be married three times. He classifies the marriages this way:

• Spouse #1 - The Practice Marriage
• Spouse #2 - The Marriage where you have your children
• Spouse #3 - The forever Marriage

Well today, April 29 is the anniversary of my "Practice Marriage." Thirteen years ago, I married this guy that well wasn't very nice. I met him on New Years Eve 1986 at a church function for young people. I thought he was cute, he had pretty blue eyes, and hey -- he's a believer so he must be good.

I soon find out that he has severe self-esteem problems, a very mean mother, and a wimpy dad. I begin to "fix him." I work on his self-esteem, we go through suicide attempts (his), parental problems, etc... Now I can't get rid of him. I try. I try real hard. It's not love - it is feeling sorry for and he satisfied a need to take care of someone. He also took my virginity. (Yes, that picture is me after I met him, To me I look sad and afraid. I'm curled up in a ball, I feel like I'm stuck.)

He began pushing me, and thumping me in the chest whenever he was angry. He'd apologize, I tried to make him leave. He stalked me. I was afraid of him. How could I tell someone what he did to me? He would put bruises on my arms. I would lie about them. He punched me in the nose with my parents in the other room. I didn't say a word.

He would hide in the barn beside my house and sneak in the basement window and surprise me (terrorize me) after my parents went to work. I couldn't get rid of him. I tolerated it. How could I let them (my parents) know that I was a failure. It would disappoint them so.

I bought a house at the age of 25, he moved in. I didn't ask him to move in, he just did. This in the eyes of the church was wrong, in my eyes it was wrong. I couldn't get rid of him -- so, I married him. He hit me on our wedding day.

He suffered from OCD. He finally found a job that he could hold -- a deputy jailer. He learned to use handcuffs, he learned to put people in submission holds, he learned how to beat me even worse. I had guns held to my head, been beaten with an umbrella, with a police baton, had chairs thrown at me. You know -- the bruises were always where you couldn't see them. Everyone thought he was such a great guy. He wasn't.

I filed for divorce when he called me from his girlfriend's house and forgot that it would come up on caller id. When he came home the next day, I confronted him - he denied it. He left his pager home one night when he went to work, and it beeped. I called the number, a young boy answered, I asked who, he told me, I asked how his mommy knew my husband, "He's my Mommy's boyfriend." How do you know? "They sleep in the same bed." What does he look like? He has black hair and wears a uniform.

I immediately changed the locks on the doors. He kidnapped me when he received the divorce papers and held me at gunpoint, and raped me at his apartment. I escaped and got an EPO. His boss took his gun from him, the judge dropped the EPO. Guess it does pay to be in law enforcement.

Now that was one hell of a practice marriage.

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Note: I am on marriage number 2 and I'm a believer that marriage 2 & 3 can be combined. We have had our children, now we will have our romance and forever. He's a good man and I know that he is capable of a lot. Just see what he has done in less than five months.

I love you and am proud of you J****.