Perception is Reality

aka -- Meddlesome old women

Where to start? Not for sure really.

My sister is having a rough time right now. She feels unappreciated and taken advantage of...sometimes that is the story of being a mom. I am worried about her. But, she is resilient. You can go to her blog and read her story if you are interested. I know that when her daughter and family moved in with her -- she let them know that this was not a permanent situation. I know that she had expectations of them. I know that she doesn't feel that they kept up their end of the bargain. I know that she is scared for her daughter -- because in this world a person's perception of a situation is also that person's reality of the situation.

NOTE: Niece and hubby -- if you read this, read it all the way through. This is not criticism, this is love. This is in no way to put you down, but to build you up. This is from my heart - and yes, sometimes the truth hurts but as the Bible says, "The truth will set you free."

"Perception is reality." -- my dear friend DT (God rest her soul) used to say that a lot.

• Perception is that they do not have the money to make a go of it on their own. Reality is -- they did not pay her and owe her a lot of money, and she suffered a great deal financially. Reality is -- she is NOT worried about her money, but worries about how they will make it, if they couldn't help her.
  
• Perception is that he does not want to work. Reality is -- he has not held a job for an extended period of time, specifically a job where he has to be accountable to the government, and accountable for himself with the threat of random drug-testing. Reality is -- my husband used to be the same way. Reality is -- my sister's ex, my niece's father was the same way. Reality is -- if you don't pay into some sort of retirement system, you are screwed when you get old. Reality is -- you don't want to end up like those 50 year old men whose families have left them and don't want to see them because of their past addictions and shortcomings -- who live in their garages, or alone in an apartment, you don't want your children to despise you when they grow up.
  
• Perception is that no one takes my niece's disease seriously and no one other than Sis, or myself will take care of her. Reality is -- all mama's think that no one is going to take care of her baby as good as she does. Reality is -- she doesn't take care of herself unless someone is fighting her to do so. Reality is -- I sat and watched two people that should have loved her dearly ignore a respiratory therapist and say that neither one of them had the time for that. Reality is -- I think her husband is scared to death of this disease and doesn't know how to cope with it and doesn't even want to consider that he could lose someone that close to him again.
  
• Perception is they have gone from bad to worst. Reality is -- hopefully not that. Hopefully they have hit their "rock bottom" and have decided to stop being addicted to being in turmoil, to stop being addicted to drama, to stop being addicted to "woe is me." Believe me -- those are addictive. Hopefully reality is that the government assisted housing, which I am praying is not a drug infested cesspool, is just a stepping stone to giving those beautiful angels that the Lord has blessed them with a better life and a stable life.
• Perception is that the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Reality is--they moved back to the orchard.
• Perception is that we are meddlesome old fools. Reality is--no matter what, we are here for them and always have been. Reality is -- when no one else would, we did. Reality is -- we love them. Reality is -- we have a hard time letting go. Reality is -- they had better be glad we are meddlesome old fools and not once have they fooled these old fools. Reality is -- we may be mouthy, me may be critical, yes salt may burn the wound but it also cures. Reality is -- that is the way we are, and more than likely we will not change.
  
• Perception is that all they did was fight. Reality is -- they laughed, they cried, they fought, they loved, they were a family. Reality is -- that family was torn apart without much notice and no adjustment period for the children or the person left alone. Reality is -- she did the same to me on multiple occasions - because it is too hard for her to say goodbye. Reality is -- we are the most harsh to the ones that we love and that we know will love us unconditionally.
  
• Perception is that they are deadbeats. Reality is -- the government sucks in this arena. Reality is -- if you are getting government assistance, you are stuck. Reality is -- if you get a job making minimum wage, they take your foodstamps away -- and in this economy, you cannot feed two adults and two children on minimum wage. Reality is -- scary for them.
• Perception is that he is a worthless, wimpy, sack of poo. Reality is -- I know better. Reality is -- he's very bright and took the GED and passed on his first try without studying. Reality is -- he's had one hell of a life, that no young man should have had to endure. Reality is -- I know he is scared. Reality is -- he had no manly guidance in that critical period when he really needed it. Reality is -- I know he can, I wouldn't have invested money in his business venture if I didn't think he can. Reality is -- he had best stop disappointing me because out of the whole crew of drunken, drugged out misfits (BS, JN, EP, GF, RB, etc...) I thought he would be the one to rise above it all and be the one they would all be looking up to.
• Perception is he can't and he won't. Reality is -- he can if he remembers a few things.
  
• The answers to life's problems don't come in a bottle, in a pill, in a rolling paper but from trusting in God. Happiness isn't in these things. These things drag you down. I KNOW you can do without these things.
  
• The testimony to a good man are his children first and his wife. If your children are successful and taken care of, if they are happy, safe, secure, and provided for then you are successful.
  
• Mama told J**** when F**** was born, that a child only hears about 10% of what you say, but sees 90% of the things you do. Be a good example.
• The Bible says for a man to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife (I think this is a two way street.) Sometimes you have to just listen to the meddlesome old fools (me, his mama, her mama, granny) and take it for what it is "advice", then stand on your own two feet and make the BEST decision for your family.
  
• Papaw J said, marriage is 100/100 not 50/50. You both have to give it your all.
  
• Take care of yourself mentally and physically.
  
• Trust in the Lord, and trust yourself, trust each other.
  
• Someone once called J**** a piece of shit -- I responded that God does NOT make shit, but all are created in His image.
  
• You have no where to go but up.
  
• Please take care of our babies.
• Perception is she's just like her daddy. Reality is -- in some ways she is, and in other ways she's like her mama. Reality is -- she's her own person trying to find her way but can't figure out the map. Reality is -- she's tired and she's tired of being pushed down each time she tries. Reality is -- she is sick. Reality is -- she's got two young children and just wants a break. Reality is -- she too is a meddlesome old fool. Reality is -- she's a lot like me. Reality is -- I sometimes feel that I failed her and that I should have shown her a better way than catering to, and allowing a man to rule her, that I should have taught her to be stronger, that I should have been harder on her, that I should have taught her more about the comfort of having God in her life. Reality is -- she is deep down, wonderful.
  

Love,
A meddlesome old fool.