Monday, December 17, 2007

Back to Work and Then Some

Update on J****'s health --

The doctor released J**** to go back to work. He went back last night on restricted duty, but at least he is back. He is glad to be back. He is still favoring his left arm and it still hurts quite a bit and is tender.

Griping and Moaning Time --

He had been off of work since the end of November and hadn't lifted one finger to do anything around the house. I don't know who has it better, him or the dog. This causes me to feel resentment and think -- are we not worth your putting forth an effort to do something around here.

Before Thanksgiving, it looked like a bunch of rednecks lived in our house. Before we hosted the dinner, I cooked, cleaned, and even cleaned the yard. I mean pulling up dead vines, moving branches, putting back his tools that he left strung everywhere. My goodness -- did his parents do everything for him but wipe his hind end?

I am tired, worn to a frazzle, stressed, and being forgetful. Last year I was so good about getting the kids to functions, getting supper, homework, baths, etc... done. This year -- I can't make it work. Something is constantly falling through the cracks.

I need to purge. With father-in-law living with us, everything is all upside-down. I need to get rid of a bunch of toys, clothes, etc that were once living in "his" room and are now everywhere. Sad thing is -- the boy no longer has a room and I guess what I need to do is move the girls back in together and give the boy one of their rooms. Honestly, I don't know if father-in-law will ever leave. He is content. I am a mal-content. I can take someone for so long, but now that he has started back to drinking (never at our house) and coming in and zonking out, I can't stand it. He leaves work and goes straight to the bar, drinks what he considers his limit, then comes to the house and goes to bed. Makes life awkward.

When he first moved in -- he took on the two responsibilities of laundry and dishes. Well -- guess who is doing them again? Yep, me. Every once in a while he will clean the kitchen, but that is if he hasn't gone to the bar.

Our Night Out --

Mother-in-law offered to take all three kids for an evening and hubby took her up on it. He went on about how we needed time alone to reconnect and how we could be with one another (blah, blah, blah.) Honestly, I was dreading the night. For one reason, the mother-in-law is not healthy and I was worried about her being able to handle them. But thankfully, they were all very well behaved. I guess that is a credit to the least I hope it is.

So, I get home from work to pick up J**** and kids to deliver them to his mama and he had been drinking. His mama spotted it right away and gave him 9 kinds of hell. She flew up one side of him and down the other and stated that the only reason that she didn't "knock the shit" out of him was because her grandbabies were there and the only reason she didn't send him away was because of me. She may be crazy, but she loves me.

So, what did we end up doing, heck -- I just took him out and got him drunker. I had a drink, too. First time since April of 2002 - shame on me. Fed him and went and finished up Christmas shopping. Took him home -- briefly reacquainted ourselves (beer dick is well ewww) and went to sleep. Next day -- he laid around on couch, I studied about the server I am building at work and wrapped Christmas presents.

His sobriety or lack thereof --

He hides his alcohol, he hides empty cans. The kids find them. I told him this is the same as lying and to just be a man and put them in the fridge -- because I don't give a rat's butt anymore and as long as he is asleep when we get home and I don't have to deal with him - I don't care. More or less -- we all live in a big ol' house and are happy to live our own lives and are miserable when we see each other.

Misery / Contentment --

We had a guest speaker at church one night, a soldier from Iraq. He pointed out that contentment is something you can only give yourself. You have to make the choice in whatever situation to be happy or to be miserable. My father says, he has made the decision to be miserable. Earlier that day I had told J**** that I was miserable. But, you know what -- "This world is not my home." So I should be content -- it is only temporary -- I will work on myself, J**** will just have to work on himself, cuz I sure enough can't fix him.

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