This blog is my sounding board. I usually do not post unless I am terribly aggravated, frustrated, etc. SO WHAT? well -- I publish the negative, it is one sided, it is biased. I write about the bad and not the good.
So -- let's take care of some business --
Does your church know you are keeping your children in that environment? Yes, in fact I have been very open with my congregation, asking for prayers for J**** and our family. They are supportive of keeping the family. My "pastor, minister, preacher" has counseled me and the men of the congregation are working on becoming friends with him. You, see -- he has no friends. He has "good time Charlie" buddies that talk about him behind his back but like him when he is as his Mama would say "Drunken Bubby."
Children's services will have something to say about this. Social Services was called once on my husband by the G*****'s preschool. The social worker, said that the claims were unfounded and there was no sign of negligence or child abuse in our home. Don't take too much stock in "children's services" - these are the same people that have returned my best friends' nieces sons (a crack addict) to her on several occasions.
"Nay"? Do you think your children are happy? Yes, they love their father. They speak well of their father. They have multiple outlets for expressing themselves. Their school counselors and teachers know that their father is an alcoholic and I have on occasion told the counselor that they may need to talk. They know that they can tell anyone that they want about what goes on at home, they speak freely with me, their father, their grandparents, their aunts. If they aren't happy -- Yes, it is because of me, but not because of their father -- but because -- I hate to admit it -- I am quite stern and tend to push too hard.
Beating a drug test. Is that illegal? If it is you are committing a crime. Beating a drug test by taking in someone's urine, yes. Is there a penalty -- nah -- I know folks who have done it and have been caught. Cleansing your body of toxins -- is that illegal -- don't think it would hold up, protecting your family from a mistake -- better than giving up. What would you do? Fight for your job or give up and let your children go without? Thin line? Anyway -- I doubt he'll be tested anyway.
Can you say "enabling"? Not in this case. I have done good at not enabling. But, we CANNOT afford for him to be without this job. He works hard -- he takes on 18 hours overtime each week. He smoked with a coworker. He did nothing wrong on the job -- he is having an allergic reaction to a chemical used for prepping parts for shipping. The supervisor noticed the chemical burns on his hands, sent him to the nurses station for ointment, the nurse wants him to get it looked at by company doctor. Why? Because he is such a good employee.
Any woman that would allow their children to be subjected to this abuse is just as bad as the man doing the abusing. Hmmm. To each his own. I know a woman who has a husband that is never there -- is this abuse, is she a co-abuser? I know man who says that his mother was a control freak -- was this abuse? I know people that constantly send their children to relatives to get them out of their hair -- is this abuse? We had a VP that traveled for her job, her husband worked hours away, their daughter had a nanny and rarely saw her parents -- is this abuse? If you cut to the chase -- no child lives in a perfect home -- all children suffer some sort of abuse.
Making him feel not so shit astounds me. Nobody is a piece of shit. All were created in God's image. For him to call himself a piece of shit is to call God a piece of shit. God is love. I love J****. So this is the segue to stuff you folks don't want to read -- the good stuff. The stuff I don't write about -- the thinks I have no reason to rant or rave about. Tell me, what wife doesn't "bitch" about her husband.
His week --
He gets home around 7:20 -- comes in and finishes getting the boy ready (shoes, jacket, gathering toys, and securing him in vehicle). Kisses me goodbye. Waits for me to call after boy is dropped off and talks on phone with me for 20 minute drive to work -- telling me about his night and discussing plans for the day. He winds down alone and sleeps. He gets up around 7:30 and goes to work early. Spends about an hour each night with children, me and his father -- listening to their day, readying himself for work, and looking at their school papers. The night that he didn't have to go in early this past week -- he got up early to do homework with the girls and play with the boy, he took a nap when I put them to bed and got up to go to work at 9:40. He got breakfast for everyone on Saturday morning, watched the girls do their new dance moves, and watched Spongebob with the boy. Saturday evening he watched G***** while F****, D***** and I went to the grocery, where I bought the stuff I needed for the potluck (the dish was his idea.) Sunday - he helped get the children ready for church, told the girls how pretty they looked and then praised the boy for being a big boy. He walked the girls around the block to play with their friend on another street. He goes to my parents at least one day a week to do chores for my aging father and asks nothing in return. And, he made a mistake the one day he went golfing. He has been alcohol free for nine days today. Yep, I vent in this blog -- but it's not all bad.
These things are not excuses, they are just answers, and as Paul Harvey would say, "the rest of the story." I will try in the future to post both the good and the bad. I tend to, when things are good - get complacent and not give credit where credit is due.
He is a good man, that needs help, he has low self-esteem. If any of you "anonymous" folks are personal acquaintances, then don't bash, berate, or demean -- be his friend. He needs GOOD people to be his friend. Because he is a good guy with bad ways. I am sorry I have not let you all get to know him.
If you are driving down the road and have a flat tire -- he would be the one to stop and help. If you were down and out -- he'd give you his last dime and the shirt off of his back. I have never heard him say a harsh or derogatory word about anyone, he is the most nonjudgmental person that I know. We could all learn from him.
A few days ago her regular doctor told her that the disease was getting better -- it was in her lungs, but it was slowing down. She did have scar tissue, but the news was better than any she had received in a long while. The doctor also sent her to several specialists to make certain that it had not spread to other parts of her body.
