I Need a Reality Show Makeover

I know -- watching those reality show makeovers is like watching a train wreck. You know it is hideous and terrible of you to want to see such horribleness, but you can't help it -- you just have to gawk.

So here goes --

What Not to Wear
Yep -- I need to be turned in to the fashion police. I still wear clothes that I wore ten years ago. My good clothes were hand me downs from a woman old enough to be my mother. I only buy things off of the clearance rack - because I am "frugal, cheap, broke." I spend my days in pajamas unless I go to work or church. I am a fashion nightmare, my clothes are worn and thin. From time to time -- yes, I know -- too much information, I still wear my nursing bra.

The Super Nanny
I try to instill the best that I can in my children. But find myself resorting to threats, and yelling. I have no backup from my husband who rolls his eyes and retreats to another room. He hides away the whole time we are here and I am placed in a position of single mom with a husband. My day starts at 5:00 a.m. and ends at 1:00 a.m. I work, I take care of children, house, yard, car, homework, teach Bible Class, and try to have a home website business. Trying to give full attention to one child for homework, the other two run rampant. Trying to clean house, they run rampant, trying to get them to help -- but Daddy doesn't do anything. We need supernanny.

Overhauling
Hubby and I got an '88 Mustang back in 2000 and he drove it for one summer and out went the transmission. Now -- it sits and sits and rots and sits and well, it would just be way cool if Chip Foose would come and make the darn thing run and look good. Then I'd have something cool to look at in my back yard instead a rusting hunk of metal.

Clean Sweep
My house is completely out of control. There is no organization, it has been overrun by toys, animals, children, and computer equipment. If my friend at work's wife were to come over -- she wouldn't go past the front room -- which stays clean because it is too small to do anything in. The kitchen table doubles as a homework table, mail spot, catch all, eyesore. The den is a playroom and god forbid I have company, they would have nowhere to sit. The loveseat is a laundry table -- with three kids -- laundry is neverending -- I wash then fold, sort, etc... on the loveseat. They stay there and just keep getting recycled.

Outer Spaces
I love to spend a lot of my time out doors, I like to sit on the porch. I hate my yard. I grew up with a father that took care of the yard. Well as I said previously I am married to a hermit. A couple of months after we bought this house there was a storm -- and it blew off a shutter. That was in 2004. The shutter is still missing. Our yard is full of kids toys, yard tools that he uses for a tiny project that I make him do and he doesn't put them away. I mow, I clean the yard, I trim the trees, I can't keep up -- the dog has warn paths in the back yard, the swing is falling apart, there is a big "crop circle" looking thing in my yard where the kids had their pool -- which was moved to the other side of the yard to kill the grass and make a new semi circle. Oh yeah -- there's the '88 mustang and dead garden.

Intervention
Okay, he's not as bad as the folks they show on this TV show, but it would make an enlightening episode to show how a man that is still drinking, and fighting drinking alone -- needs to seek help. This is why he is a hermit. He drinks heavy once a week. His life is miserable, ours is miserable. He needs help, he refuses help, he works, he drinks, he sleeps, he is a hermit.

Biggest Loser
I love myself by eating. When I feel used, abused, taken advantage of...not loved. I eat. Not out of stress, but out of lack of attention. I am fat - I know that. Hey Sis -- let's apply for the casting call.

Maybe they can all just have one big mini-series featuring "us". Wouldn't that be something.?