Post-surgery

Just got back from the doctor's office.

Hubby is healing well, but because the bone was cut. I understand that when you mess with the bone -- healing and pain are a lot worse. So the doctor wants him to be off of work for two more weeks and return on December 14. The doctor did say that if the factory had extremely light duty available he could go back later this week.

I was upset initially, but was determined to not be a bitch about it.

So -- when J**** asked me what I wanted him to do -- I told him that I cannot make that decision for him.

Why not?

1) I don't live in his body and do not know how much pain he is in and I do not know the limits to which he can push himself.

2) If I tell him to go back and he gets reinjured -- there ya go -- I'm the bad guy.

3) If I tell him to stay off -- we are in a financial bind.

4) He is an adult and needs to take responsibility for himself and his family. This is his decision to make. I can advise him of the bills and costs of items and the money in the bank -- but that is it.

I did after a bit of discussion -- tell him -- "I told you to wait until after the first of the year when we knew we would have income tax to fall back on and it wasn't around the Christmas Holidays." I left it at that. This was elective surgery.

I do know that as a responsible adult he is going to have to have his father step up to the plate and help us with the bills. He has lived in our house since the end of June and has not offered us money. He has brought in a few groceries -- mostly his favorite junk foods, and will go and get us food if I am too busy to cook. But, I bring him home food too when I get something for the rest of us.

My point is -- pointless.

Back to the pain -- I know he is in pain, or was in pain, but because of his history with addictions you don't know whether or not he is really in pain. He has not been abusing the pain pills -- he does take them as prescribed. But, he makes it hard to trust him.

This is one of those instances where I take my Papaw's advice and remember that "Every tub has to sit on it's own bottom." In this case -- this is his decision, he knows what he needs to do. I will support him either way.

Arthroscopic Shoulder Surgery

J**** had arthroscopic shoulder surgery on Tuesday. This is just one set of pictures that the doctor provided of the inside of hubby's shoulder. Top left shows them tightening ligaments with a suture. Top Right shows the real problem of bone spurs and an abnormally formed shoulder blade. Bottom left shows the after picture where the spurs and the bone have been removed and reshapen. Bottom right I think is just another view of Bottom left.

He's in a lot of pain, but I hope that this helps in the long run.

After the surgery I was told he was given Morphine and Dilaudid along with being prescribed a heavy dose of Hydrocodone. So anyway -- when he got home he thought he was "Superman", he was like, "Hey this surgery stuff is a snap." I had to make him go to bed. About 1:00 a.m. he got up and said "Owwwww -- the anesthesia has worn off."

Bless his heart -- he needs some babying the next few days.

My Big Brother

My mom tells the story of the birth of my brother. It was back in 1958 when the hospitals were still segregated. It must have been a full moon because the hospital was full of women birthin' babies. My aunt was also in labor with her youngest child, but they didn't get to the hospital as early as Mama did. Brother was born in the "white" section and high falutin cousin and aunt had to go to the "negro" section of the hospital to be born.

Brother was actually born after midnight on November 20, but the doctor in this small Kentucky town was determined that since November 19 was his birthday that this child was going to have his birthday -- so the birth record was officially filed as my brother being born on November 19, 1958. Wasn't he a beautiful baby boy? That is my Sister holding him. Doesn't she look proud of her baby brother?

A typical middle child, I would hear stories of his uncanny ability to tune out everything and be in his own world. Like my middle child -- you could holler at the top of your lungs to get his attention, and he wouldn't hear you. You would literally have to go and tap him on the shoulder to get his attention. Wonder if it had anything to do with having two ornery sisters?

I was born when he was 8 1/2 years old and I idolized my big brother. When I was in fifth grade, my teacher told me about having my brother as a student. She said at the start of the year he came into class all excited and said -- Mrs. J, Mrs. J guess what? I am going to learn to play the violin. Then she said at the end of the school year he came in and and was excited telling her Mrs. J, Mrs. J -- I have a baby sister!!!! Yep -- he's been playing that fiddle for forty years now.

At 17 he graduated from High School and went to college at the University of Alabama. We would take him to the Greyhound bus station and I would cry when he would leave. As I said, I looked up to him. He was my refuge in a home where alcoholism was starting to be ugly. I'd sleep in the bed with him at night. He taught me to whistle. He'd play with me. He'd make me laugh. He made me feel safe.

I was now the only child left at home. I wrote him lots of letters. I bragged to my friends about my wonderful big brother, about how handsome he is, and how talented he is... I even started playing an instrument and followed in his classical music footsteps for a while.

Brother moved out of state and became the Principle Violist for an orchestra.

I admit that I do not know my brother as well as I should. But , I have always felt that I can open up to him like no one else. Like Daddy he is soft spoken, and very reflective. He is very intelligent and he is a hypochondriac (in a good way.) Brother was a bachelor for many years until he married his high school sweetheart. She found him on the internet and sent an email to him saying "hey are you the same guy I knew in high school?" They were married soon after.

They now have a beautiful little girl and she is the joy of his life. Every time I hear him talk about her I can hear the amazement and the love and pride in his voice. It is like he has been fulfilled.

The girls and I called Uncle B***** tonight and sang him the Birthday song. Last year at Christmas, my kids played with him and I could see that if they were around him, they would love him and look up to him in the way that I did. He is just too cool.

Oh -- sometimes Sis and I laugh and joke "We have a brother?" He has been gone from Kentucky so long. I guess that is just our way of saying -- we miss you, and we may somewhat resent the fact that he got away from all of the craziness that we have lived.

My brother is bald. There's just something sexy about a bald man. He is the "SON" in my Mama's eyes and the Sun rises and sets in him. That is okay. I have a son now and I understand.

I am proud to be your baby sister.

I think it is really cool what you do for a living.

So -- with this I am sending Big Birthday Wishes.

I love you Big Brother.

So Pretty, Oh so Pretty...

Disservice

disservice
A	noun
	1	disservice, ill service, ill turn
				an act intended to help that turns out badly; "he did them a disservice"

J**** uses the excuse for drinking of..."it eases the pain."; "it helps me relax."; "I deserve it, I work hard."

Now look at the definition of disservice. He explains away his alcoholism with the fact that the alcohol helps him cope with pain, stress, and as a reward system, etc...when in fact he is doing himself a disservice. How can someone not see that they are hurting themselves?

How a disservice --

1. Pain relief & Relaxation (the following are excerpts from a very interesting article on alcohol used for pain relief and relaxation - you can click on the text to take you there) -- "Emotionally, alcohol has a stimulating effect: 'l feel good, blow the pain"', she says. "However, it is also a suppressant and nulls the senses - but only temporarily. Sixteen hours after a bout of drinking, seratonin (the chemical that governs mood) lowers, causing depression. Depression makes you more aware of your pain so it's back to the bottle - and further depression. "On the physical side, low mood leads to lack of motivation which can result in de-conditioning such as stiff muscles, bad posture and guarding. Since alcohol often replaces food, the appetite can become poor and poor nutrition increases pain intensity...You may find yourself saying, "Never mind, I only have a good drink every so often so it can't hurt." Think again! Although the alcohol may have left your system within 24 hours, it can take your body up to 40 days to fully recover from the toxins that it leaves behind..."One of the best known effects of alcohol is that it is a depressant. It depresses our inhibitions, our pain levels and our mood. Unfortunately, while the effect on our inhibitions and pain levels is short lived the effect on our mood is not. Long term use of alcohol is known to be an important factor in the cause and maintenance of clinical depression and many anxiety problems. Both of these conditions will increase the amount of pain you feel. In addition people who drink more than a few units of alcohol are likely to have worse sleep patterns, poorer quality sleep and be more irritable in their day to day activities.
2. I deserve it I work hard -- Alcohol is advertised in our society as a reward for hard work. But based upon the symptoms above -- this reward disables him from enjoying the true rewards of life, his children. When drinking -- he is not responsible enough to play with or be with his children, after drinking (when he drinks during the day when we are away) he is unable because he is "sleeping it off." The next day - he can't because he is hung-over and very irritable. So his reward to himself punishes his children and it also punishes the spouse - by giving her the extra responsibility of being a two-paycheck household with a single mom.

I long ago faced the fact that he will not quit drinking for me or for the children. But being as self-centered a person as he is -- he should figure out that he is cheating himself from having one heck of a life. Because, his children and I are living our lives as though he does not exist. We do what we need to do and what we want to do -- only he is losing out on the grand time.

Yep, he is doing himself a disservice. What a sad existence he has...

What's Going On...

Happy Belated Halloween!!My Three Goblins

I know, I know. It's been a while since I've updated everyone on the goin's on in our household. Why? Because like my sister's blog I've been busy as a bee. With what? Work, kids, household chores, running here and there with young'ns, church, Halloween, just plain ol' being a mom. Life is good when that is what you can say about your life.

J****? You ask? Well, his situation is neither here nor there. For the most part he is staying sober. We are not home during the day -- which is his night time. There's been a few mornings when we have our morning phone calls and I can tell he has been drinking. But he's asleep when we get home and well...like I've said before "life goes on."

Life goes on -- I've told him in the past and I still tell him -- this train don't stop for no one. So it is his choice if he wants to hop on and ride with us or not. We don't put anything on hold for him. If he decides he'd rather stay up all day and sleep when we are home, it is his loss. We go out to eat, we go to school functions, we go to church or we just plain ol' go and goof off.

One fun ride -- we went this past Sunday and had family pictures taken at the Olan Mills studio. It was fun. They took one picture of J**** and I and we had the giggles. We were to take a serious all googly eyed picture of us being snuggly -- well we had to laugh. The photographer said we looked like we just ate a pickle. Here's pics of the girls getting their hair ready for the appointment.














I have also been working on the church's presence on the web. I created a blog for them at Searching for the Truth? If no one else gets anything from it, I will because I usually have to retype the articles and then I have to create the links. So, this means I reread and get to look over the verses. Kind of like a daily devotional. I am trying to put a new article up every day. The articles aren't written by me, but they are good articles.

I guess when you are checking us out and it has been a while since I have posted, you can always remember the old adage, "No news is good news."